A boy or girl?

Is it a BOY or a GIRL?

                                              

To peek or not to peek...That is the question.
What kind of kid before Christmas were you? Did you dutifully avoid the closet where the presents were so tantalizingly "hidden" and wait for the big reveal on Christmas morning...or bursting with excitement and curiosity did you make frequent raids of the plastic sacks hidden with care just behind the shoe rack? I was the latter. Why save all of the excitement until Christmas morning? Why not spread it out evenly for all of the days leading up to it? That was my idea of fun. And as far as the element of surprise? Overrated. Instant gratification was always much more rewarding in my child's mindset.

Well, I've grown up a little since then, and I'm faced with a different kind of Christmas morning surprise...I am going to have a baby, the best present of all, wrapped with love and delivered right into my arms, and the first question that people always ask me is "Did you find out yet? Is it a boy or a girl?" As I would sadly shake my head "no" I would try to will in my mind the date of the ultrasound, the big gender reveal, to come a little faster. Oooh how impatient I felt! Just like the kid waiting for Christmas morning, too anxious to know what was inside of my gifts NOW, and sneaking to the closet to peek. And trust me, I had some great reasons to justify in my mind finding out the gender of that little baby human. For instance:
         Bonding! I will be able to bond with the baby so much better if I can know how to address it, as my little boy or my little girl.
          Preparing! There are so many cute baby things to be bought! How do I know whether to buy them in pink or blue?? Or worse *gasp* how will my good-hearted, gift-giving family members and friends know whether to buy pink or blue??
         Convenience! If I can do all of the work now to have the nursery/closet/baby stuff all ready and set up so that all I need to do is "just add baby"...I won't have to make any mad dashes to target with a newborn in my arms because all of the socks I have are pink! PINK! And he's a bouncing baby boy?!
         And another thing...what about personalization? Do I get everything embroidered with Kieran Alexander or Gwyneth Estelle? Do I buy a K or a G for the nursery? How can I be prepared with so much unknown?!?!?!
And then I took a step back. What do I call these feelings? Anxiety? Impatience? Being convenience-minded? Since when do any of these emotions ever profit anyone in the long run? Was I willing to take something that could be so incredibly wonderful and special away from myself and my husband in the name of convenience, and to satisfy my growing impatience? I mean, no one likes to wait. But don't good things come to those who wait?

I then started to think about it this way: I cannot  WAIT for May 30th or whenever baby Carpenter decides it is time to enter the world. Like, I am SO excited. This feels like Christmas x 5 because not only do I get an amazing present but it's also like a tiny person who I get to welcome into the world and form a relationship with. So cool! And I know that I am going to love this little person no matter what parts it is born with, and be equally as thrilled. I daydream about hearing my midwife say those triumphant words "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!" and looking into Kendrick's eyes, beaming with excitement because here is our little Gwen, or our baby Ky right there in my arms. And then I think about sitting in the doctor's office, that weird jelly stuff on my belly and peering at the fuzzy image on the screen and hearing the ultrasound tech say "It's a boy" or "It's a girl" and it just doesn't feel like the same moment to me.
And so I revisited my previous excuses and found that they were things that could be worked around.
For instance, bonding! This doesn't really count because I definitely love this baby inside of me way more than I did yesterday and I can't imagine the love I will have for it tomorrow. I think about it all of the time and spend time talking to him/her, reading aloud, and pushing on my belly when I feel kicks to say "hello" back. My baby isn't worried about what gender it is right now, and I shouldn't be either.
And as far as preparedness and the nursery and buying baby stuff...the important stuff comes in neutral colors anyway like clear plastic bottles and white cribs. My nursery plans involve a pallet of soft, neutral, soothing colors anyway and lambs aren't specifically boy or girl either. As far as my well meaning friends and family, I will just let them know that grey is always acceptable, yellow, tan, white, and a slew of other non-baby specific patterns/colors. And if they are sure in their heart of hearts that the baby is one sex or the other, then by all means by with confidence, just keep the receipt!
Everything in my world will be okay even if there are a few items in baby's closet that don't quite...apply...and odds are as a new mom I will be making frequent trips to the store anyway. So, now with this new decision, I feel a lot more calm. A lot more at peace. And I think I'm enjoying the countdown even MORE.

Baby day is coming. It will be soon, and our family will get to have that moment, which I believe we will never forget.